I had an accident a few years ago when we were camping where I couldn’t open my eyes for a while. I had to stop all my usual activities and be “rest bound” which for me being a mom with little ones is unusual. I learned a lot being still and listening to things around me. You can read all about it here.
Spring is BEAUTIFUL in South Carolina! My three year old gave it a new perspective for us this year. We were driving down the road, the trees had just begun flowering so he was seeing them for the first time. He was so fascinated and delighted at the beauty, he couldn’t stop saying “Look! Mama did you see that? It is so beautiful! Wow guys, did you see that?” It brought tears to my eyes to see the beauty around us through his eyes. He noticed every tree and all the different colors, asked about how the flowers came to be and so on. God really did create a magical world for us to live in!
Everything is blooming, the weather is super nice and everywhere you look there is beauty and new life. When we moved here one lady was trying to explain to me what spring is like and she said it like this “when spring comes around, it’s so beautiful you actually want to live again”.
I don't remember pollen being a big thing up north but here in the south it's a season of its own! EVERYTHING is covered in yellow. We love being outside when the weather is just right but the air is very polluted. I washed my husbands car for his birthday, within three days it was just as covered with pollen as it was before. (I tried dearest!)
It all started off with sneezing, I figured it’s not a big deal my nose is just irritated from all the pollen and it will pass any day now. The sneezing continued week after week and actually began to get worse. My throat got irritated from it and I developed a very bad cough. Certain foods triggered it but most of all talking and using my vocal cords in any way. Here too I figured it will just pass in a day or two, so I continued with my life. I started to rely on coffee for the extra energy (if you know me then you probably know I have never been a coffee drinker) it helped me with running errands, kids activities, school, cleaning and so on.
That lasted about a month and then my lungs began to feel sore. Have you ever felt your lungs before? It is weird, I know they are there and how they work and I feel myself breathing but this was different. It felt very cold inside my chest, it ached and hurt to cough. Finally my sweet husband had enough, he stayed home from work and took me to Urgent Care. I was there for hours but when they finally got a chance to get me in and hear my lungs, they immediately told me I had developed Bronchitis. I was well on my way to getting pneumonia because I had already begun to cough up signs of it. They gave me medicine and told me to go get well. That put me on basically bed rest for a week. I wasn’t in very much pain, just had slight discomfort, so I still continued to do things around the house but any extra exertion would irritate my lungs and cause a flare up of coughing fits, that would lead to lung pain. So I would end up back in “bed” to rest it off. Having more downtime and not talking at all, I had time to think, process and reevaluate.
One thing I missed most (actually to be honest probably the only thing I missed) about talking is my prayer and worship time with Jesus. I cannot even find the words to describe how it affects me not to be able to pray in tongues every day. I had no idea this would even be an issue, embarrassing but I didn’t even give it a thought when I figured out I wasn’t going to be able to use my voice for some time. At first I was worried about how I would communicate with my kids and go out in public etc. but all those things took care of themselves and turned out to be even better than when I could speak. But this one area of prayer and worship has definitely left a void in me, a longing to finally be able to praise my Lord, intercede and edify myself in him. It’s empowering to see what affect it has on my life because in the moments of daily grinding, in times when I don’t “feel” like it, it’s hard to know if it’s even making an impact but oh boy is it! On that note I want to encourage you to please give it a try, trust me that it does pay off. Just like working out or making healthier lifestyle changes, one little habit change or just 15 minutes a day over time will make a huge difference! As long as you keep at it and don’t give up when you don’t “feel” like it.
Another BIG takeaway I got from not being able to talk is…. that I don’t need to. I found that I say a lot of unnecessary things, like do this and that and then I repeat myself endless amounts of times. I estimate that about only ten percent of what I say throughout my day is actually worthwhile, (that would include praying with my kids, connecting and teaching school) everything else is literally extra. Occasionally we have great conversations where I know they have been inspired but that’s not a daily occurrence. I think I have done a good enough job teaching my kids most of what they need to know and now I need to just. be. quiet. Our home ran a bit smoother with me snapping my fingers and pointing at what I needed them to do rather than me saying it over and over and over again on a daily basis. I found that talking causes me to get super irritated, annoyed, ending up lecturing them or getting into arguments with my kids over nothing.
Talking for most of us is like breathing we just do it as a natural part of life. I think it will be difficult for me to continue not speaking but I would like to develop a new habit of taking weekly breaks and in general paying way more attention to what it is I do say when I talk.
I consider myself a very positive thinker but now that I’ve had a chance to evaluate my speech I don’t think I’m as much a positive talker as I thought I was. At least not in my daily life with my kids. I don’t intentionally put them down or say hurtful things but through the day with all that goes on I don’t say encouraging things as much as I thought I did either. Our days consist of me telling them what to do, teaching and being the judge of all their disagreements. (Exhausting just to think about it!) I want that to change.
Teaching is a must so I shall continue doing that, sprinkled with a lot of positive affirmations and encouragement. Lecturing isn’t necessary, giving out orders isn’t either and as far as being the judge of the home goes, I will have to teach them to take on that responsibility for themselves so I can be left out of it as much as possible. I heard recently during my “mute” week that when children come to you “tattling” they are coming to you for guidance on how to solve their problem, since they are un able to resolve it themselves. Our job is to teach them how to deal with it and not to always solve it for them. That’s where I must have gone wrong but I will be working on it.
To be honest with you, spiritually I got a little discouraged. I could not understanding why I allowed myself to get to this state in my health and why the things I was doing were not working. I figured praying for healing and health and moving on with my life, as if I wasn’t feeling sick was the right thing to do but it turns out that it was not. The Lord graciously continues to teach me and he showed me that I was not all wrong in what I was doing but I was also not standing my ground in what I was believing. Hoping and believing are slightly different. Just like pretending and really knowing without a doubt are also two different things.
The encouragement I received was to keep pressing into Gods word. Really learning what it is God says about me and my situation. Digging deep into it and claiming it for myself. My Spirit is made perfect in Christ, I need to believe that and renew my soul with the word of God each and every day, until my body no longer dominates but my spirit does. I need to really get his word in my heart and mind and confess daily what the word of God says about me and not what my body “feels”. I don’t know if this makes sense but it’s where I’m at currently and as I learn more I will share more with you.
I shared my fasting experience recently and it’s somewhat similar to what I’m trying to get across here. That when we deny our selves (our body) while seeking the Lord, we strengthen our Spirit and our body no longer dominates our five senses. We develop a new sense and that is faith. We no longer wish and hope but we believe and believing is knowing that what we believe will come to pass.
A new exercise I am adding to my daily life now, is working on what and how I’m seeing myself in the spirit. Envisioning myself being and doing all that Jesus said I would be and believing Gods word over what I think, feel or what others say.
I hope that my experience will encourage you to try a “talking” fast of your own for a few days, although I would recommend the longer the better because the first few days you will just be getting used to the idea and going through “withdrawals” if you will. After that is when you really begin to see the affect that it has in your life. For me it was one week of literally being unable to speak and the second week I began to whisper when necessary, it’s been almost two full weeks of watching my world through what feels like a lens of some sort. Very interesting and eye opening for sure!
I must say though that when you are able to speak and are trying not to by choice it is extremely difficult not to talk. Like it says in James 3:8 “but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.” My conclusion is that taming our thoughts is where the root of it all is. The bible talks a lot about protecting your heart for it determines the outcome of our life. Mathew 12:34 in the latter half says “For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.”
When my kids were little I remember at one point I used to do oil pulling (remember when that was a thing?) I discovered that it helped me not talk for a while. I enjoyed that I got some peace and quiet to gather my thoughts. I have no idea if the whole things actually works or not, that is beside the point but I think I might be going back to it just to help me “tame my tongue” lol.
Fasting of any kind is always soo good for us, be it food, screens, activities, talking, seeing or anything that has some sort of hold on our life. Pick one today and see for yourself what an impact it can make on your life. Be sure to share your stories with me, I would love to hear your thoughts if you try it.
if you’d like you can read about my three week food fast here. Or my not being able to see here.
Or if you just want some encouragement on God answering prayers then read this one about our home here or our famous mattress story!
School for next year is another topic on all of our mom minds so here’s why we homeschool and if you have any questions on that then let me know. I’d love to write a follow up on that (and what we will be doing differently) if anyone is interested.
Thanks so much for stopping by dear friend!
Blessings, Natty